ringtones from hell

I just got a new cellphone for work, and I can download 2 free ringtones! But here's the catch: nothing can mutilate an amazing song so brutally as turning it into a MIDI file. Oh. My. Goodness. I keep looking up all these fantastic tunes, such as the songs included in my musical brilliance post, and they all sound like CRAP as ringtones! No fair! I want a cool one!