a ramble about long distance friendships (or something)
I'm an "in-person" kind of person. I'm not so good at keeping in touch and calling people (although I am better than some). I tend to pay attention to who and what's in front of me at the moment. I don't get too hung up on goodbyes, because I know that life goes on, and that I'll probably see everyone again at some point. I trust that when I return someplace, my old friends will still be there and still be happy to see me, and I'll be happy to see them, and we'll have a grand old time together.
This is the way things are in my head. It's a very confident and trusting "it'll all work out just fine" kind of headspace. I figure that people will still be there when I come back to wherever it is that they are, and all will be well.
Part of this mindset is purely practical. Last time I checked, I have 191 friends on Facebook, and I would honestly LOVE to keep up a constant and close friendship with about half of them. But I can't. I'm sorry. It's really hard for me to think about calling people when I can't spend time with them in person anyway.
I just do way better in person than I do long distance. I guess I'm posting this so that those of you who wish I would call more will understand a little better. Please don't think of it as me forgetting you or ignoring you. Think of it as me being confident that our friendship will last throughout long absences.
The only thing that sucks about this is when you live somewhere where you don't have an abundance of friends. Like me in Vancouver. Then I'm stuck being frustrated that I have to just phone people when I'd rather be hanging out with someone, and I don't always want to use the telephone either, so then I'm stuck. Ah well, that's what internet friends are for.
Edit: I forgot to mention that if my lack of phoning/writing is a very sad thing for some of my friends and family, then please tell me because I don't want you to feel hurt or forgotten. I can't promise I'll be different, but I can promise to make an effort if it is really important to you.
6 comments:
I totally understand, D. I am the same way. It's nice to know that when you go to various places in the country, there are always friends you can hang with.
I'm really glad that you feel this way, because I often feel sad that I cannot give the amount of time to people who are far away that I would love to. I have always found that when I see you again, we still get along just as well as we always did. :)
Yeah, the phone is a poor substitute for the real thing. In fact, I hate the dang phone.
I feel like I identify with the "some" you refer to when you say you are better than some at keeping in touch. I just don't do it very well. And I don't feel the need to. And I also hope it doesn't make people sad, but if it did, I don't think I could even change it! Thanks for posting this D. (p.s. now I'm even more sad that we wouldn't do the face-to-face thing when you were here!)
btw: The comment above is from me: Little Liz. :)Just so there is no confusion, as there are a lot of Liz's around.
Yeah, I'm okay with the way these internet things go for keeping in touch. We can read each others' blogs, leave a message here or there, and leave it at that. I do think that kind of minimal contact is necessary, just to let people know you're alive and well. But it's just not the same thing as face-to-face.
It's sad but it's also okay that we didn't catch each other face-to-face, Steph! I knew the week would be nuts, and I knew there would be lots of people I missed seeing, so I had accepted that before we even got there.
Ah well. Such is life.
I just realized I meant to say "didn't" or "couldn't" instead of "wouldn't". That makes way more sense. :)
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